Not an Alcoholic (I Swear)


When I get into a serious gaming session there are few things that can pull me away from the sticks. I’ve ignored hunger, phone calls from the wife, and outings with friends. Just the other day I was deep into Civilization Revolution, trying to knock out the last few achievements, but I had a work Christmas party to attend. I contemplated skipping altogether but the wife convinced me otherwise. I’m glad I went because hilarity ensued.

I wait tables at a local restaurant and let me tell you, if you have never been to a restaurant Christmas party (or any restaurant party) you are missing out. There are a wide variety of people that work in a restaurant. People from all walks of life that normally wouldn’t hang out together, drinking and partying and letting go, all in a very social setting. Mix in alcohol and probably other recreational adjustments, and awkward moments abound.

Let’s go down the list:

  • Inebriated bosses
  • Employees flirting with each other
  • Girls dancing then falling then dancing more, then falling
  • Beer-spitting and fights
  • Singing along to the jukebox

My wife and I tried to get a game of flip cup going near the end of the night. Explaining rules to a bunch of already intoxicated persons is not an easy task. I gave up after the second time everybody finished their beer that I had poured them before we started, but my wife was determined. While explaining the rules one guy was balancing his beer on his head, four different girls were trying to help explain the game, and the rest were finishing the pitcher of beer on the table. What she ended up with was 15 people sitting around a table randomly chugging beer and tossing their cups at each other. At best a 50% success rate.

Being new to the restaurant I stood back and observed more than took part, but even that fell by the wayside. Someone put “The Humpty Dance” on the jukebox, and since I know all the lyrics by heart, I jumped in and gave everybody my best Humpty performance. Dancing drunkenly to the rhythm I realized that these are my people.

I know there were some uncomfortable conversations the next day as people’s shenanigans slowly dawned on them. So, if you ever have the opportunity to attend a restaurant Christmas party, go. You will definitely have a story to tell, or you will be the story.


Have at Least One Alcoholic Beverage Everyday for a Week



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